IN African society, a valid marriage is said to have been contracted and considered legitimate only when the lobolo negotiations and transactions between members of the lobolo-giving family and the lobolo-receiving family are entered into or completed. Therefore, African Christian couples should consummate their union following the customary marriage ceremony with clear conscience before God who created the marriage institution. The Bible, which is the basis of Christian faith and practice, does not require church marriages for Christians.
Before the introduction of church marriages in the thirteenth century, and later in the sixteenth century of state marriage law, the criteria for the validity of marriage in all societies were originally determined by the respective customary practices rather than by statute law. The definitions of the validity of marriage changed and developed over the centuries of European history, and the outcome of such historical and theological debates on marriage was what mission organisations and colonial authorities imposed on Africans who already had their customary marriage system in place.
The imposition of Western statutory marriage law resulted in social, legal and moral dilemmas especially for African Christian couples due to the co-existence of customary marriage and civil marriage practices and produces. The main source of such dilemmas was that although there was nothing explicit in the legislation to prevent the incidence and practice of traditional marriages from existing side by side with a civil marriage contract, whenever a marriage was celebrated according to either civil or church rites, the principles of African tradition were deemed no longer to apply to it, and legally and ecclesiastically, aspects of traditional marriage norms became irrelevant from the civil or church authorities’ point of view.
On the other hand, despite the introduction of the European marriage tradition, Africans have rightly continued to look upon traditional marriage as a full, valid and legitimate marriage, and the required registration at the magistrates’ court or the subsequent solemnisation of marriage in Church, as just the means of satisfying the civil or church authorities. Unfortunately, the nineteenth-century and early twentieth-century official missionary attitude towards African customary marriage still remains within the Christian churches in independent Africa despite the change in leadership from foreign missionaries to African Christians.
In the Old Testament, marriage ceremonies and celebrations were never conducted in a religious building nor officiated by a religious leader. Marriage making among the Semitic peoples was more of a social undertaking than either a religious or a civil responsibility. All the same, the Old Testament narrators present God as being involved in such non-religious social and cultural marriage ceremonies and celebrations (Genesis 24), just as Jesus socialised with people at the marriage reception (not ceremony) of Cana as recorded in John 2:1-12. Even Joseph and Mary, the mother of Jesus, were traditionally married according to their custom of the day (and not in a synagogue or Temple).
Whatever arguments Christian proponents for church weddings, symbols and rituals may want to generate, they cannot legitimately claim the Bible as their heritage because marriage making, being a private affair, required no public ceremony, religious or otherwise for its legalisation and validity. The Early Church, along with the Roman Empire under which it existed, also considered all valid and legitimate marriages to be contracted solely by customary marriage practice.
For example, Tertullian, a second century writer who trained in jurisprudence at Rome before returning to his native Carthage and the fourth century Bishop John Chrysostom of Constantinople had no problem with marriages validly contracted and conducted as ceremonies at private and family festivals. All that early Church leaders did was to encourage Christian couples to celebrate their customary marriages in God-honouring ways; that is, by excluding such things as drinking, dancing, and over-eating from their home-based marriage festivals.
It is only in the fourth century that evidence of a pastoral prayer or blessing is found in connection with the customary marriage of Christians. It became a Christian gesture for any local church leader to go and congratulate the Christian couple at their home when a marriage feast was celebrated. The private pastoral prayer was intended purely for the groom and bride that they would have children. Hence, it was always offered in the couple’s bedroom. Although Christian couples may have appreciated the presence and participation of a church leader as a guest at the end of their customary marriage feasts, the validity of marriage was still wholly vested in the performance of the customary ceremony and not in a pastoral blessing.
As late as the ninth century, Pope Nicholas I stated that the validity of marriage was established by customary marriage characterised by mutual consent, even if an ecclesiastical marriage blessing was lacking. It was only in the thirteenth century when Thomas Aquinas argued (on the basis of his misunderstanding of the Greek word mysterion in Ephesians 5:32 by translating it sacramentum, Latin) that marriage was to be considered as one of the seven sacraments (Baptism, Confirmation, Eucharist, Penance, Extreme Unction, Orders and Matrimony) in the Roman Catholic Church tradition. These sacraments, in the Roman Catholic Church, are believed to be the source of grace.
Because of its understanding of marriage as a sacrament, the Catholic Church recognises only marriages contracted and conducted in a Catholic Church. Although Protestant Reformers of the sixteenth century rejected the Roman Catholic theology of marriage, some of them like John Calvin embraced the Catholic practice of contracting and conducting marriages in church buildings. However, the main reason for Protestant churches in Europe conducting marriages in churches was purely for publicity. The Church was trying to discourage clandestine or secret marriages which remained in practice until the eighteenth century. One may dare to say clandestine unions (living together without any recognised formal marriage ceremony) are as common today as they were back then.
The Catholic and Protestant views of marriage contracting and conducting valid marriage would become distinctive attitudes and doctrines of Western Christianity, which missionaries automatically introduced and imposed on African Christians in the name of Christianity. What may be questionable here is whether church and civil marriage laws passed in Europe to meet specific European marital and social problems of different generations can justifiably be extended to African Christians for whom they were definitely not designed.
If Africans rightly continue to consider customary marriage as the only culturally acceptable practice of establishing valid and legitimate life unions between a man and a woman, then, I would suggest that the Christian Church in Africa should recognise and register customary marriages. As a public recognition of the African customary marriage practice, marriage banns, leading to the customary marriage day, should be read or published in church for three consecutive Sundays before the lobolo transactions take place in accordance with the current laws of the land.
The church pastor, who would need to be a marriage officer, should meet with the couple and their family representatives to explain his role and responsibility in the marriage ceremony if such a marriage union is to be recognised and registered by the state. And on the day arranged for the customary marriage contract, the pastor and some of his church leaders should accompany the groom and some of his relatives to the bride’s village home, where lobolo transactions normally take place.
Church leaders in Africa should go and participate in the celebration of customary marriage of their Christian couples within the community, instead of inviting the couples and their parents and relatives to a church building. Studies on African marriage agree that lobolo is the central piece of African customary marriage. Unfortunately, due to greed, lobolo which traditionally used to be a token of appreciation to the parents to the bride-giving family has been highly commercialised. It is hoped that Christian parents will set a good example by viewing lobolo not as a means of getting rich.
Women, in African society, would prefer to be in a husband-wife relationship which has been cemented by lobolo transactions lest they be viewed as loose women who move from one man to another. At the end of a Christian customary marriage ceremony, the groom and bride would sign an official marriage certificate. The date on the marriage certificate would reflect the exact date of the couple’s marriage. Up to now, African marriage certificates issued at a civil or church marriage ceremony do not reflect the actual date of the customary marriage.
Upon returning to their urban local church after the celebration of customary marriage (days or weeks at the groom’s village), the pastor should introduce the couple to the rest of the congregation as Mr. & Mrs. If the couple want to have another marriage reception, which is often the case, for friends, relatives and the rest of church members, weeks or even months after their Christian customary marriage ceremony, it should be made clear to the church and all concerned that it will be a marriage reception, and not a marriage ceremony.
It is hoped African Christian couples will seek to honour God in how they go about their marriage receptions. The couple may decide to put on their wedding attire at the wedding reception. Again, their pastor should, in light of the already contracted Christian customary marriage ceremony, make a clear distinction between a marriage ceremony and a marriage reception (John 2:1-12).
This practical approach to African Christian marriage is culturally, legally, and biblically relevant to modern African Christianity in African society and it is cost effective too. This new paradigm to African Christian marriage has been successfully tried at Central Baptist Church, Harare, Zimbabwe. If this suggested approach to marriage in African society is considered and implemented, it can be an answer to the challenging social and moral dilemmas that all African Christian couples face at marriage.